Friend owes you money and won't pay: what to do

What should you do when a friend owes you money and won’t pay?

Move through a short ladder, one step at a time, and give each step a chance before the next. The ladder has five steps: a written statement, a payment plan, a deadline, a last message and a decision. The examples below use $240 that a friend owes you for their half of a shared trip.

Step 1: put what, when and how much in one message

One written statement does more than several vague nudges. It lists what the money was for, when it was spent and the exact amount, so there is nothing to argue about.

Hi Jordan, the cabin and groceries from the weekend of the 12th came to $480, and your half is $240. I would like to get this settled. Could you let me know when you can send it?

If you have not asked this clearly yet, start with how to ask a friend for money back and come back here once the date has passed.

Step 2: offer a payment plan you have already worked out

A plan that is already calculated is easier to say yes to than an open question. Do the division yourself instead of asking the friend to propose one.

• $40 a week for 6 weeks. 6 x $40 = $240.
• $60 a week for 4 weeks. 4 x $60 = $240.

Offer both and let them pick. Once they agree, write down the dates. If you track it in EvenOut, partial payments work, so after the first $40 the friend’s page shows “Jordan owes you $200”, then $160, and so on down to “All settled up”.

If you ask for each installment through a payment app, send one request per payment. As of October 2026, a PayPal request link takes one payment and expires after 10 days if it is not accepted, and a Venmo charge request does not move money until the friend accepts it.

Step 3: set a plain deadline

If the plan does not start, give one date and say what it is for. A deadline is not a threat, it is a way to end the open question.

Hi Jordan, I have not heard back about the $240. I would like it settled, or a plan started, by Friday the 24th.

Send it once and leave it there.

Step 4: send a last message

The last message restates the amount and the date and says plainly that you will stop asking after it.

Jordan, this is my last message about the $240. If you can send $40 this Friday, we can start the plan. Otherwise I will treat it as closed on my side.

Only send it if you mean the second sentence.

Step 5: decide whether to write it off

Decide what the money is worth to you, and decide it for yourself before you reply to anything. There are two reasonable choices.

1. Let it go. Treat the $240 as spent, stop tracking it and stop raising it.
2. Keep it on the record without chasing. The balance stays on the friend’s page in EvenOut until a payment is recorded, and you stop sending messages. If the friend brings it up, the number is there.

Either choice is fine. The one that does not work is a fifth and a sixth message.

What if the friend ignores your messages?

Silence is an answer, but it should not make you louder. Switch the channel once, for example from text to a call, and use the same wording as in Step 1. If that gets no reply either, put the plan from Step 2 in writing, then continue with the deadline in Step 3 and the last message. Do not skip steps because the friend is not responding. Each step is still the next fair thing to do.

What if you would rather say it out loud?

A spoken version uses the same three parts as the first message. Keep it short and do it somewhere private.

Jordan, I wanted to talk about the $240 from the cabin weekend. I would like to get it settled. Could we start with $40 this Friday and do the rest weekly?

Follow it with a text that repeats the numbers and the first date, so both of you have them in writing.

What if the amount is small?

Decide in advance how far each amount is worth taking. For $12, one specific message is enough, and Step 5 can come right after it. For $240, run all five steps. The ladder is there so you can stop at the step that matches the amount.

What if this keeps happening?

When a friend never pays you back, the problem is the pattern, not any single amount. Add up what is open. Say a friend owes $14.25 for coffee, $32.00 for lunch, $48.50 for gas and $60.00 for tickets: that is $154.75, more than any one of the asks.

Three changes make it less likely to repeat:

1. Settle the same day. Record the payment while you are still together, so nothing is carried into next week.
2. Stop paying up front for people who don’t settle. Ask them to pay their own share at the register, or pass on the shared expense.
3. Cap what you will front. Pick a number you would be fine never seeing again, say $25, and decline to put more than that on your card for one person until the open balance is cleared.

What this page does not cover

This page covers etiquette and arithmetic. Small claims court, debt collection and tax questions depend on where you live, and they are not covered here.

What to do next

Pick the step you are on and send that message today. If you need wording for a gentler version, see how to politely remind a friend, and for more copy and paste messages, the text message templates have a version of each step.